Clifford tells you how to come out ahead during a financial crisis.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE!
Clifford and Norm's
New Year's Resolutions
Norm Comes Clean:
"I Am A Sexaholic"
The saga, continued, featuring the man who had it all wrong, but then again,
don't we all?
"I've Been Saved!"
Thankfully, one late Friday afternoon, I met my savior. Let me set
the scene. I was in my den
with the door closed, believing I was the only one in the house. I was about
to reach a "climax" from a particularly juicy video clip on sexymamas.com.
All of a sudden, without knocking, in walked none other than my wife.
allowing me to keep my self-respect - rather than quietly closing the door
and walking away - my savior drew a line in our shag rug which, looking back
on it now, could really have benefited from a professional cleaning.
She stared me straight in the face and stated emphatically, "You know Norm,
I think you really have a problem. I think you may be a sexaholic.
I think you need some help!"
She used the word "think" three times in the same breath, so she had to
really mean it. And the look on her face hit me like a ton of bricks.
What an eye opener! I mean, there I was, married to this incredible
woman, raising two beautiful kids, living in a nice house in a great town,
and having a wonderful collection of friends - and all this time, I had been
totally distracted - at least three times a week - by my addiction to
wanting to have occasional intimacy with another human being. What
kind of person had I become?
That Friday afternoon, I had finally hit rock bottom and I resolved to
get some help, just like my wife had suggested.
The truth hurts, and nobody knows that better than my wife. The
following morning, she tactfully tried to soften the blow by admitting that,
maybe she had overreacted, accusing me of being a sexaholic and all, on
account of her pre-menopausal condition or some similarly flimsy excuse.
She even offered me a "rain check" for making love with me and became
increasingly insistent as the conversation went on. (What a saint!)
But enough was enough. I had been living a lie. The past 20 years
were nothing more than a cry for help. The time had come to take the
bull by the horns and get my life back on track.
I checked into Sexaholics
Anonymous and began their patented 12-step program. While at SA, I
encountered dozens of people like myself who had been deceived in their
early years into thinking that regular sexual activity was just "normal."
Through my interaction with them, I realized that all the sex I had had
before marriage was merely a symptom of my own insecurities, my low self
esteem and outright lust. I had been a victim of circumstance, but the
time had come to take charge of my life.
Helping Others Help Themselves
Today, I am a new man, for I am infinitely satisfied with the rich,
once-a-year ritual of making love that I now understand to be true "normal"
After two years at Sexaholics Anonymous, I have made over my
life from top to bottom. I quit my job (which I now believe was a
major contributing factor to my sexaholic tendencies) and have devoted
myself to helping people who suffer from this devastating illness.
The victims of sexaholism are not merely the addicts, themselves, but
also their wives and girlfriends and mistresses, not to mention their
children, aunts, uncles, in-laws, first cousins, second cousins and even
casual acquaintances. They cry out for a global organization on the
order of the United Nations. Or maybe even NATO.
To play my part, I have launched a web site to address sexaholism in all
its forms: www.sexalohicsnomore.org - not to be confused with
www.sexalohicsnomore.com, which is an actual porn site.
Available in 32 languages including Swedish, this web site, which
incidentally is optimized for broadband and highly secure, requires
registration and identity confirmation via a major credit card. You
will not be charged to join, at least not within the 30-day trial period.
On the website, you'll learn about some of the incredible research being
done to diagnose this horrible epidemic, including actual video clips of
clinical trials at Sexaholics Anonymous. There are also tons of "fun
facts." For example, you may be surprised to learn that, while there
is a high correlation between the condition of being a "sexaholic" and a
"sex maniac," the two conditions are in fact entirely distinct with very
different symptoms and treatments. In recognition of these findings, I
was fortunate to have been treated for both conditions while at Sexaholics
Anonymous, just in case.
At www.sexaholicsnomore.org, you will also
be eligible to participate in our Virtual Walk-A-Athon To End Sexaholism.
The beauty of it is that you don't actually have to walk - you select an
avatar to walk on your behalf, saving you time, not to mention blisters.
All you have to do is get people to donate to the cause - and I can assure
you, there is no cause that could make you more proud to ask your neighbor
for a contribution - the cause of diagnosing and treating sexaholics!
Today, I stand before you as a sexaholic, but totally under control.
Knowing what I have been through, my wife, the saint that she is, does offer to
break with our normal, once-a-year lovemaking routine, and give me some
bonus opportunities from time to time. But now, I am strong enough
to simply smile and reassure her that that ugly chapter in my life is over.
In fact, we rarely go off course anymore, and I am proud to say that almost 100% of the sex we
do have occurs totally by accident.
Ever since I have emerged from
treatment I feel like I have received a new lease on life, and have
therefore decided to dedicate the rest of my days to finding The Cure, not
just for me, not just for you, but for our children, and our children's
children, and our children's children's children (beyond three generations,
I really don't give a damn).
Together we can stop the cycle of dependency on regular sexual activity.
The time is now.
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